Friday, March 6, 2009

First Friday Fanfic: Dream Giver (Parts 1 & 2)

(This is the first in a series of First Friday Fanfics, in which I will be posting pieces of fanfics that I am currently working on. Hopefully this will motivate me to finish them, but also, with your comments, polish it to a respectable writing piece. The first Friday of every month I will post a part or parts for your perusal. I love criticism, but please be constructive. How else can I learn? If you like something, what specifically did you like? If there's something that doesn't seem right, let me know! But please be kind. ^_^)


Dream Giver
(a Stargate SG-1 FanFic)

Part 1

The preliminary survey had barely touched on the woodland they now encountered. Having earlier watched it through a tiny view screen with muted colors showing through a grainy picture, the party of four now stood in awe as a noonday sun streamed down through the leaves of large, lush trees and warmed them.

“I could get used to this,” the leader quipped as he swiped his cap off and scratched his gray-haired head for a moment before adjusting his cap back on his head.

“It is beautiful, Sir,” the blonde-haired woman smiled with a warmth given to someone that was a good friend, and not just a superior.

“Indeed,” the large, black man nodded, the golden symbol on his forehead gleaming softly in the rays of the sun.

The brown-haired, bespectacled man nodded as he made his way down the steps of the landing. “It appears as if this is a place of worship, or some sort of shrine.” He pointed to several containers filled with exotic flowers placed carefully around the area. His forehead crinkled as he pushed his glasses up his nose. “But I don’t see any writings, so I—”

“Hey!” the leader called out playfully. “We’ll have time for that later, first we need to—”

“Sir?” the woman called out calmly, but with a hint of chiding as her gaze landed on two figures peeking out from behind a tree.

The rest of the group followed the woman’s gaze.

“Oh, hey,” the leader blinked. “Hey there!” he called out cheerfully. “Come on out.”

“We will not harm you,” the large man said stoically.

The woman grimaced as she looked at the large man and merely shook her head with a soft laugh.

The figures came out from the shadows and walked toward the group slowly. They were young women, both with pale hair, light eyes and slender figures. Though their features were distinct, one might have thought them to be sisters. Their simple dresses of a silken material, floated behind them as they came close. Warm smiles touched their faces as they were now near enough for greeting.

The taller one spoke. “We thought it possible, but no one has ever come through the Chapa’ai before.”

The brown-haired man jumped a little and made his way to right in front of the women. “Chapa’ai. You know this word?”

The young women gasped softly as their eyes went hugely round. Huge smiles then began to spread across their faces. They crossed their hands lightly over their lips and gave a bow of their heads.

The shorter one spoke, with an uneven, young voice as she looked back up at the brown-haired man. “We never thought we would ever get to see you! There are many that believe you do not exist.” She almost seemed to giggle, and the taller one put a hand on her shoulder.

“We, however, are not of that belief,” the taller and seemingly older one said calmly, with a hint of delight, as she pointed to the flowers. “We are of a group that believed one day we would see you.”

The brown-haired man blinked as his eyes narrowed. “You’ve been expecting me?”

The older woman merely smiled and then turned to the younger one. “You must tell the others! I will lead them shortly.”

The younger woman nodded, gave another strange bow and took off running.

The rest of the party looked on in disbelief.

“Wait a second!” the leader called out. “You want us to go with you?”

The young woman turned to him and smiled softly. “Is that not the reason you came?”

The leader’s mouth opened as if he was about to speak, then he shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, sure, okay, but first I’d like to know what’s going on?”

“I do not understand.”

The leader narrowed the gap between himself and the brown-haired man. “Why do you think you’ve been expecting him?”

The young woman smiled beatifically. “Because he is the Dream Giver.”

***

Part 2

The SG-1 team all looked at one another, perhaps trying to see if anyone else in the group understood what this young woman had just said.

“Dream Giver?” Major Samantha Carter asked, brows furrowed.

The young woman smiled widely as she nodded and continued looking at Daniel Jackson.

Teal’c quirked an eyebrow, his lips twitching just a moment. “What is this ‘Dream Giver’?”

The young woman didn’t blink an eye as she answered. “The one who gives dreams, of course.”

“Oh, of course!” Colonel Jack O’Neill let out quickly and then pursed his lips together.

Blue eyes narrowing in thought, Daniel finally let out slowly, “One who gives dreams to whom?”

She blinked. “You do not know?” She didn’t give Daniel a chance to answer as she smiled softly. “Of course, you do not know her name. She said names were never given, that’s why she called you the Dream Giver. It was the only way she knew you.”

“She?” Daniel’s glasses slid a little off of his nose as he looked at the woman.

The woman smiled widely, almost beaming, and stood straighter. “Yes, my sister, Elpis.”

Sam blinked. “You mean the girl that just ran off?”

The woman laughed delightedly. “Oh, no. That was my youngest sister, Hebe. I am Daphnis. My oldest sister, Elpis is the one of dreams.”

“Uhm,” Jack called out, “Daphnis, could you please excuse us for a moment?” He gestured to his teammates to follow him off a ways.

She merely nodded and backed off herself.

Once gathered, Jack began to whisper. “Okay, who here thinks these people are nuts?” He raised his hand and looked around.

Sam chuckled softly. “Well, Sir, to be honest, this isn’t the first time the local female population has become enamored of Daniel.”

Jack gave a wry grin.

Daniel’s mouth dropped open, a hurt expression crossing his face. “Sam? Humor? Really?”

She shrugged and tried to contain a large grin.

He scowled. “So suddenly this is all my fault?”

“Major Carter’s comment is valid, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c said calmly, though a touch of a raised eyebrow also confirmed his mirth.

Daniel threw up his hands and sighed.

Jack patted Daniel on the back. “It’s okay, Daniel. Really.” He then looked around to the rest of them. “Seriously, though, what do we think?”

“They appear to be harmless,” Teal’c spoke first.

“But why do they think that Daniel’s this Dream Giver, and not any one of us?” Sam’s brows furrowed.

Jack nodded. “Good question, Carter.” He looked toward Daphnis and waved her over. She nodded and walked toward them. “Daphnis, why is it that you think Daniel here is the Dream Giver? Couldn’t it just as easily be one of us? We all did come through the Chapa’ai.”

She blinked at looked at Daniel. “Daniel? That is your name?”

Daniel nodded.

She smiled softly and then turned to Jack. “We know Daniel is the Dream Giver, because we know his face.”

“What!” both Daniel and Jack questioned in disbelief.

Daphnis’ face fell a little. “Perhaps it is better that I take you to my father and the others. He is the leader of our clan.”

“Yes!” Jack nodded. “Take us to your leader.” He grinned widely.

“Sir,” Sam chided lightly.

“Oh, come on Carter, you know it’s fun to say!”

She merely shook her head with a boys-will-be-boys smile on her lips.

Daphnis blinked, nodded, and began to lead them through a path in the forest toward her home.

***

4 comments:

Brian March 7, 2009 at 5:16 AM  

I have already given you my comments when I read this in person...but I will say First to comment!

*does the first to comment dance*

And you say I never check you blog. hmph :P

Charles Gramlich March 7, 2009 at 9:55 AM  

Ah the "original" characters. I watched it when these folks were the main actors. I think you captured the tone of their conversation just right.

christinerains March 7, 2009 at 1:16 PM  

I have the DVDs, but I still haven't watched it yet. How horrible am I?

Everything is flowing nicely and you caught my attention right away with the Dream Giver mystery. You always have a clean and easy to read style that I like. The only suggestion I have is one I've been given on several occasions. At the beginning, you give a quick description of each character when they speak. "The blonde-haired woman" and "the large, black man." That sort of thing. I know what you're doing there, but I've been told it's a bit of an info dump. Let the physical characteristics and personalities come out through actions. I sometimes still catch myself doing it, especially in short stories where you don't have the time to draw it out.

stephsidestory March 19, 2009 at 9:44 AM  

I'm hooked, and impressed. You are a great writer.

More, more, more!

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